Saturday, March 5, 2011

Age Ain't Nuthin But A Number

Which is how I think, most of the time.

This is probably due in large part to 1. being married to someone who due to intelligence and experience "feels" older than he is and 2. being part of a community full of all ages. I likely wouldn't feel the same way if all of my friends were within 5 years of my own age.

So most of the time I don't think about how old I am until it's time to fill out forms or renew car insurance. Also, if I think about my age I just get depressed. My youngest brother almost died from a kidney infection when I was 23 for example, and he's still on dialysis. I gave my father a second opinion on whether or not to take my mother off of life support and was at her side when she died; I was 27.

Last November I turned 30, and yesterday my age got shoved in my face in a very unpleasant manner. While Chris seems like generations older than me he by no means robbed the cradle. He doesn't admit his age in public forums, but he kept within the rule of half his age plus 7.

So when the surgeon stared him down Tuesday and said "you're too young to be an old man, and too young to die on my table" it hit me. My husband most likely has cancer and has to go under the knife to save his own life. He's disabled and can't do the things he wants to. He can't act like a man his age normally would. He's too young for this.

I'm too young for this.

This is the problem with thinking about age. It's too damn depressing...

1 comment:

  1. Mel, been a reader/lurker over on Chris' site for quite a while and had to write you when I saw this post. I'm 12 years younger then my husband. And sometimes that age difference hits hard.

    He recently went on Disability for chronic pain and fatigue and I often ask myself is this how I intended to end up? Nope can't say that I have. But I also couldn't have imagined finding me in him after all these years and as scary as watching him grow older is (because you know I don't intend to grow up despite just turning 41!) I'm glad I found him and what we share.

    Just wanted to let you know there are others in the same situation that you are...and in my case it's scarily similar to your life.